Do you remember?
by Heartbreak82
Summary: Craig remembers the impact JP had on his life. Pure fluff.


**Do you remember?**

_Do you remember John Paul?_

Do you remember the first time we saw each other? The first time I saw those stunning blue eyes? Do you remember how it felt? I remember every second. You were so nice to me and I just called you a weirdo. I just wasn't used to people being nice to me. But it wasn't just your kind nature that I noticed. It was your smile and the way your eyes lit up making them seem even bluer. They seemed to sparkle like diamonds and I could feel something in my chest something that I never felt before. Back then I had no idea what it could be. But today I know it. I know it oh so well.

Do you remember the first time you said I love you? The first time you confessed your feelings for me? I was so overwhelmed. How could someone like you love me? Geeky, insecure, Craig Dean? How could you love me? But you did. And you still do. But in that moment you broke my heart. Not in a bad way. No. But you broke the cold shell that was always around it. You broke it with your words, with your tears. And suddenly I knew what the strange feeling in my chest meant. Suddenly I knew the word for it.

Do you remember the first time you kissed Spike? Do you remember how you stood at the railing and pressed your lips against his? Do you know that I was there too? That I watched it all from the distance? You can't believe how jealous I was in that second. I couldn't stand the sight of him pressed up against your body. I couldn't stand to see his hands all over you. But I couldn't look away either. I just had to watch. Because it was in that second that I knew my love for you was not platonic. It was so much more. I never wished anything more in my life then to be him in that second. To have your soft lips against mine. To have your hands gently on my hips. To inhale you with my every breath.

Do you remember the first time we made love? Do you remember how nervous we both were? How afraid? But still it was all we ever wanted. If you had asked me why I came to you that day in the first place, then I couldn't have told you. I had no idea. But I had to see you with an urgency that almost took my breath away. All I could think about was that you didn't love me anymore. And that thought was a pain more cruel than anything I ever experienced in my whole life. I thought that my heart was literally falling apart. And so I went to see you. It was all I wanted. Everything else just fell into place. Like some kind of big master plan someone had for us. And I never felt so alive.

And do you remember the first time I told you I loved you? I still remember. I remember the tears shimmering in your eyes. They were so blue. Like the ocean. And all I could think about was that I never again wanted to be the person who caused you so much pain. And I remember the smile on your face when I told you I loved you over and over again. Once it was out I just couldn't stop it. We were together in your bed and all I could do was say those wonderful words over and over again. It felt so right.

Do you remember the first time you broke my heart? Do you still remember how you left me at the airport? Do you still remember the words you said to me? You deserve more. You can't imagine how much those words taunted me for a whole year. They were a constant reminder of why I lost you. More. It's such a small word but from time to time it just seemed like the most unachievable thing in the whole world. How could I be more? How could I offer you more? I gave you my heart and all my love and it wasn't enough. How could I give you more? It took me a while to understand. But now you are my heart, my soul, my everything. You are not something hidden deep down in my heart. You are in every word, always on the tip of my tongue. You are in every heartbeat, in every breath. You are always with me.

_My John Paul._

Because of you I am the person I am today. Thank you, John Paul. Thank you so much.

I can see the tears welling in his eyes and I know they are falling down my cheeks too. Gently he pulls me towards him and gives me a long and soft kiss. I can feel his strong arms around my waist and I let myself fall into his embrace.

Slowly I lift my hand and there in the light of a million candles it is sparkling.

My brand new wedding ring.


End file.
